Like them or tolerate them, Vuvuzelas are the soundtrack to this year’s festival of footy. And of the 12 apps on sale at the iPhone App Store that replicate the sound of the cheap plastic horns, this one is the pick.
Simply touch the screen to activate a honk that’s every bit as offensive as the real thing. Or tap it repeatedly for an especially epic blast. If you’re in an obnoxious mood and want rid of people cluttering up your living room and ruining your viewing pleasure with ill-informed analysis, there’s really nothing better.
9 Official England World Cup App (iPhone)
Like World Cup songs, products officially sanctioned by the F.A are usually a bit staid compared with guerrilla efforts. And compared with some of the kookier apps we’re showcasing, that’s certainly true of this. Not least in the shape of player profiles that are drier than the sun-baked South African turf.
But that’s a small price to pay for behind the scenes footage of Our Lads’ training sessions. And you can watch exclusive interviews with our very own White Pele Waynaldo and get insights in demotic English from Fabulous Fabio too.
8 World Cup Funny Facts (Android)
Packed with trivia, this quiz-based app is ideal for the pub bore that lurks in every devotee of la joga bonita. You can also upload factoids of your own and share what’s there with your chums via SMS.
I know more than I’d care to admit about World Cups and I found the questions pretty taxing. But if you’re the kind of person who can’t live without knowing the identity of the first man to be sent off in a World Cup, then you really, really need this in your life.
7 FIFA 2010 World Cup (iPhone)
Touchscreens have always had a hard time of it with football games because the complex moves you need to play them are a trial to execute using fingers alone.
As with a lot of other efforts, FIFA 2010 World Cup employs an onscreen joystick and buttons to execute passes, shots and the like. It’s not a perfect system by any means. You won’t be executing any Cruyff turns without a lot of practice. But if you’re prepared to put the time in, you’ll be rewarded. And that spells a game with a real depth of the kind that are all too rare in the realm of mobile gaming.
This title deserves its place in our line-up, though, simply for the sheer effort that’s gone into capturing the sights and sounds of the tournament. You can choose from a whopping 105 teams and ten stadia. And before you ask, yes there is an option to turn off the vuvuzelas.
6 World Cup Referee (Android)
Cheap sound affects and even cheaper visuals ought to make for a pretty shonky app experience. But in the case of World Cup Referee the tacktastic presentation doesn’t matter a jot.
Buyers are presented with six options, including a selection of whistles and a few chants. But it’s the red and yellow cards that turn the screen the appropriate colour and replicate a crowd baying for the ref to ‘send ‘im’ that we were taken with. They’re absolutely perfect for giving the heave-ho to fat, sweaty chaps
who bear hug you when England score.
5 ITV 2010 Fifa World Cup (iPhone)
What’s not to like about live coverage of ties, plus all the goals from all the games. Well, if we were being churlish we’d say that we’d rather that the mooted BBC app version, which was stymied by the BBC Trust, was available too. It was going to offer much the same but with the sweetener that you wouldn’t have to listen to Clive Tyldsley's lumbering, tongue-tied attempts to come up with something as memorable of Kenneth Wolstenhome’s 1966 Final commentary.
4 Sun Football – World Cup Edition (iPhone)
Say what you like about The Sun, but there’s no better read than its sports pages when you’re in jingoistic, World Cup-watching mood. Check out reports and opinion from veteran campaigners like Brian Woolnough, plus match facts and exclusive clips or manage your Sun World Cup fantasy league team while you’re on the move. And because this is The Sun, you can also leer guiltily over pictures of busty WAGS in undersized underwear ‘showing their support for their lads”.
3 Associated Press World Cup App (iPhone)
The AP hasn’t got the big name writers that other news agencies have. There’s no Harry Harris here, let alone someone of the exalted stature of Brian Glanville. But its strength has always been its concise news writing. There’s plenty of that here, as well as previews and keen-eyed analysis. You can also customise the interface in the colours of your team – nice touch, that.
2 Drinking Cup (iPhone)
You know the kind of bingo-style drinking games where you have to sup up whenever Withnail does – matching him snifter for snifter until you’re every bit as inelegantly wasted as him? Well this is like that. Only better. And about the World Cup.
Drinking Cup Players choose a team to represent and are assigned actions in real-time by the app. At the final whistle, they can compare their ale count with their mates and whoever’s sunk the most is named Man of the Match. The truly committed can even track their progress throughout the tournament.
Remember kids: drinking is big and it is clever. And the more you can drink, the cleverer you are. FACT.
1 Nike Football+ (iPhone)
It’s hard to ‘just do it’ when you’ve not had the proper training. With oodles of video tutorials from some of the game’s silkiest showmen, this slickly presented app goes some way to addressing that. So there’s advice from Fernando Torres on finishing and lessons in the art of midfield play from Arsenal wunderkind Cesc Fabregas. Unfortunately, the oleaginous Cristiano Ronaldo is here too, showing off his turn of pace and sculpted cheekbones in the preening peacock style we’ve come to loathe. But you can’t have everything.