Roses probably would smell as sweet if they were called something else. But there's no doubt that in the world of tech a good name really can help make or break a product. Here's the ten most egregiously titled phones and tablets ever.
1 The new iPad
We’re not the first people to note that Apple’s genius lies as much in marketing as in the quality of its products. And that's why its decision to call the iPad 3, the iPad/the new iPad is so baffling.
According to Phil Schiller, Apple named it thusly because it didn’t want to be 'predictable'. We’d have taken predictable over something that feels as clumsy and directionless as this.
The problem? Well, first up it's confusing for customers. But more pertinently it’s no kind of differentiator from previous iPads.
That might be honest given that many punters have trouble telling the new iPad’s self-proclaimed ‘resolutionary’ screen and identical look and feel apart from its predecessor. But it does nothing to dispel the feeling that Cupertino’s marketing smarts left the building when Steve Jobs checked out.
2 Generic Android names
Late last year some waggish and sharp-eyed tech fans launched an Android Phone Name Generator. Fire it up and it'll create imaginary phone titles from a list of existing kits, yielding the likes of the Motorola Hero Slide Prime One, LG Bionic Epic E V G1 and Samsung Devour Plus Plus Prime.
With characteristically mucho-macho staples such as the letter ‘X’ and Top Gear-speak like ‘Nitro’ ,’Devour’ and 'Epic' featuring heavily, the frightening thing is just how plausible all these composite names are. It’s as if Clarkson has been involved in naming each and every one of them.
3 Casio G’zOne Ravine
Casio’s tilt at the phone market always seemed fated to fail. Even so, this ridiculous name didn’t help one bit.
It’s the abuse of punctuation in a bid to make the name seem more attention-grabbing that really irks. It didn’t work for reality pop flops Hear’Say. And it did even less for the fortunes of G’zOne.
4 Sony Ericsson Satio
Was it pronounced with a hard ‘t’ like 'patio'? Or with a soft one like ratio'? No-one knew. Fewer cared.
5 Nokia N8
Nokia stuck with its old-fashioned naming convention of personality-free numbers and letters long after it had failed to make (business) sense.
Nowhere was this more evident than the N8. At a time when Nokia needed to convince everyone it was doing great, new things, it went with a none-more-traditional name that told all and sundry that in fact this was just another superannuated Symbian phone.
6 HTC ChaCha
HTC marketed the ChaCha and Salsa to young, social-networking fixated consumers. But rather than opting for a gender-neutral name that communicated that these were phones with an accent on fun, they went with a dance-y moniker that appeared to say that these were principally for girls. Way to slash your demographic in half!
7 Samsung :)
Remember when Prince changed his name to ‘Symbol’? Remember how ridiculous it made him seem? Samsung didn’t. And so chose an emoticon for this messaging focussed smartie. How do you Google it to buy it? Who knows. File under ‘Massive Fail’.
8 T-Mobile G1
The first-ever Android phone set tongues wagging when it racked up 1 million sales. But you have to wonder if it might have done even more had Google insisted it didn’t carry the network branding that in consumers’ minds is forever tied to cheap, low-end handsets.
9 HTC Flyer
The field of Android tablets is littered with flops. But none crashed and burned quite as badly as the very ground-bound Flyer. Available at a heavily discounted price within months of launch, it's an object lesson in the perils of choosing a brave name that later looks woefully hubristic.
10 LG Optimus 4X
It is a truth universally acknowledged that mainstream phone buyers don't care how many processors and how many cores they have. So quite why LG touted this kit's quad-core chipset so loudly remains a mystery to vex our generation's finest minds.